


stories of monsters

by red0aktree



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Suicidal Thoughts, lightside tendency!kylo, secretly protective!hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-13 23:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5721844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red0aktree/pseuds/red0aktree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux had a heart. It was buried deep, it had been locked away for years, but it was alive, and it burned. Hux’s heart knew only one name -- a name Hux sobbed as he knelt on the unforgiving floor, hands clasped in a mockery of a prayer. </p><p>(There was no one who could give Hux forgiveness. Monsters didn’t deserve vindication.)</p><p>~.~</p><p>Featuring: Force bonds, a pull to the light Kylo can't ignore, and a monster who loves him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For [Elijah,](http://peacoatsandrosary.tumblr.com/) who is my personal favorite cheerleader.

> oh, I have heard stories of monsters.
> 
> I do not want to hear about the lives they have ruined,  
>  I want to hear about the lives they lead when the stories are over.
> 
> how do they heal?  
>  how do they make it all better?
> 
> what happens to the people they have loved?  
>  the ones who have loved them?  
>  (what happens to me, now?)  
>  - _the boy who loved a legend; the legend who was a monster_ ([ s.b.l.](http://bellamyblaked.co.vu/post/125090196545/you-show-up-here-a-walking-myth-your-lips-are))

They met when Hux was still just an officer, and Kylo Ren was still just Ben Solo. Hux regarded the pale boy tucked beneath the arm of the Supreme Leader with a critical eye. They didn’t speak -- Hux wasn’t supposed to have even seen the new apprentice.

Everyone talked about the boy. Hux heard whispers of his power, heard he would bring an end to the war. There was talk of magic and murder and Hux was told that the Supreme Leader’s new recruit was the most powerful being Hux would ever have the honor to meet. But Hux didn’t think of honor when he saw the boy.

All Hux could think was that the kid came from somewhere. He wondered if somewhere missed him.

-

They first spoke when Hux was a colonel. He was introduced as Kylo Ren, but he wasn’t wearing any mask. Hux wore a mask, of course, just not one of the physical kind. Hux had been wearing a mask his whole life, it was how he had come so far in the First Order. No one took orders from somebody who leaked fear and uncertainty. So Hux hid it behind cold eyes and tight lips.

Kylo couldn’t see Hux’s fear. Kylo revered Hux for his apathy, admired Hux’s cold heart. Kylo thought Hux was the type of person he should become. Kylo designed a mask of his own, but not the flesh kind that Hux wore -- even for someone as powerful as Kylo Ren it was difficult to hide your heart the way Hux did.

Kylo’s mask was metal; Hux’s was steel of another kind. They rarely spoke, but they watched, and for years that was enough.

-

Hux was a general when Kylo came to live on board the Finalizer. He acted so far above Hux, held his head so high that sometimes even Hux forgot that he was the first person Kylo ever hid from. They still wore their masks, and they hated each other for them.

Kylo hated Hux because he wore his own skin so perfectly, because he had trained himself to be so untouchable.

Hux hated Kylo because his mask could be removed. Hux’s couldn’t.

-

When they first kissed it was a long time coming. It was born of anger and want. It was mostly jealousy, painted green and painful. But it wasn’t always that way.

Time passed.

They kissed -- but it was more than that. They kissed -- and there was tenderness where there never used to be.

Hux had seen the beauty of the galaxy and he chose to see Kylo instead.

-

“General,” a modulated voice greeted, echoing off the sleek parasteel of the conference room. Hux didn’t turn from his position at the great windows, didn’t take his eyes off the emptiness of space.

“Ren,” Hux returned the greeting. They spoke calmly, carefully, as if they were strangers. The soft rush of reassurance that washed over Hux was far from unexpected, though. It was something of a habit between the two of them. Kylo found many uses for the Force in their relationship. Amongst them was communication, unspoken and wordless. Kylo pushed emotions onto Hux, who hid them so well.

Though Kylo spoke levely behind his mask, the warmth he shared with Hux spoke of a far more tender greeting. It certainly made upholding their images in front of the crew easier. There was no crew present now, though. Most were off duty, drifting in the arms of night. The few that were awake were scattered about the ship.

Kylo approached Hux at the window, bumping his shoulder. Hux made no motion to move, he just continued staring out the window, face passive.

The pair didn’t talk for much of the rest of the night. They stood beside each other in companionable silence, counting distant stars. Kylo pushed something warm and swelling on Hux, filling his mind with affection. Hux hooked one gloved pinky around Kylo’s own, a silent response to the fondness in his mind.

They didn’t talk. They often didn’t. It was easier to keep your mask in place when no one could hear the shaking in your voice.

-

Hux had placed his lips on every part of Kylo’s face, had run his fingers over Kylo’s pale cheeks and full lips. He had studied every freckle, memorized the shape of Kylo’s eyes and the slope of his nose. Hux had seen Kylo helmetless and face-flushed, but despite the absence of metal Hux rarely saw Kylo  _ maskless _ . He still wore a pitiful mimicry of the facade Hux displayed, still tried to hide himself from Hux despite his exposed skin.

At one time Hux had envied Kylo for his ability to remove his mask. Now he only felt pity.

Kylo broke in front of Hux more often than either would like to admit. There were outbursts of rage, everyone knew about those. But it wasn’t the destruction of property that worried Hux, it was the quiet tremble late at night, the downward slope of his lips when he was too scared to cry.

“Kylo,” Hux sighed, sweeping into Kylo’s quarters with a great sway of his coat. Kylo sat on his bed, knees drawn to his chest and huge eyes watching Hux. Hux took his time shrugging off his coat and hanging it carefully beside the door, was careful to remove his boots and lock the door before stepping toward Kylo. Kylo watched all the while, transfixed by Hux’s deliberate motions.

“I didn’t mean to call you here,” Kylo said softly, barely a breath in his great, cold room.

“Didn’t mean too, huh?” Hux asked, raising a single eyebrow and looking down at Kylo from where he stood beside the bed.

“I can’t help it sometimes,” Kylo admitted, eyes darting about, searching Hux’s face.

“I see.”

Hux had felt Kylo’s distress as if it were his own, his stomach clenching and heart hammering without warning as he addressed his troops on the bridge. Hux remained stoic as he finished his speech and excused himself from the control room, only allowing himself a moment of panic once he was alone in the hallway leading to Kylo’s quarters. This wasn’t the first time this had happened -- the unforeseen explosion of nerves in his chest, in the hollow of his heart that only Kylo could live.

“You don’t need to be here, I’m just-”

“Kylo,” Hux repeated, laying a hand on Kylo’s hunched shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Kylo didn’t answer immediately, just let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. He leaned into Hux’s touch, digging his shoulder into Hux’s hip and resting his head against Hux’s stomach. Hux slid his hand along Kylo’s shoulder, passing over the curve of Kylo’s spine and back again.

Hux remained standing, waiting for an answer. He could still feel the other fluttering pulse alongside his, Kylo’s heartbeat echoing the pounding of Hux’s own. Hux didn’t understand the Force, didn’t know what it meant to be connected to Kylo like this. He couldn’t say for certain if it was Kylo’s doing or if it really was unintentional.

(Hux certainly didn’t entertain the thought of soulmates. Monsters didn’t have soulmates. Monsters didn’t fall in love.)

Hux didn’t know if Kylo could feel it too, but he hoped he could. Hux hoped the corridor between them wasn’t one sided -- Hux hoped Kylo could feel Hux’s heartbeat, could feel the sturdy life in his lungs. If Kylo could feel that Hux was alive maybe he would remember that they could be alive  _ together _ .

Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux’s waist after a while, his hand twisting weakly in the fabric of Hux’s shirt. Hux buried the fingers of his free hand in Kylo’s hair, continuing the steady, sweeping rhythm of his palm against Kylo’s shoulders. The ache in Hux’s chest turned from panic to sorrow as Kylo pushed the anguish of his heart onto Hux. Hux held it. He’d take it all from Kylo if he could.

“I’m scared,” Kylo whispered finally. Hux closed his eyes and nodded.

“I know.”

“The light is still there. Why won’t it leave?”

_ Because it isn’t supposed to _ , Hux wanted to say.  _ Because there’s too much good in you. _

“You just have to try harder,” is what Hux said instead.

-

Hux watched the command vessel get hit, watched as time seemed to slow, the fire seeping and engulfing, tearing the metal from the steel skeleton of the ship. He and Kylo were on the ground, a simple scouting mission on the surface of an outer rim planet. The Resistance wasn’t supposed to have found them, wasn’t supposed to have ambushed their landing crew.

Hux watched the explosion, and prepared himself for the blast. He and Kylo were too close -- too foolish. Hux closed his eyes, felt Kylo’s arm snake around his waist and pull him close. He felt the fire, but it wasn’t the burning kind. The fire he felt was in his chest, a dark and capable fury, a rage that burned inside of Kylo -- and in turn inside of Hux, because that was what it meant to feel what Kylo felt.

The pain didn’t come. Hux blinked against the dust around them, stared in awe from where he was tucked against Kylo’s chest. The Knight had one arm outstretched, the area around them crackling with a stifling blue light. They were safe from the flames, protected as they swelled and faded. The air inside their shell was cool and alight all at once.

“Are you alright?” Kylo ground out, his arm still outstretched as he turned to face Hux. Hux couldn’t see his face, but he could feel the wild panic in his chest, could picture the fearful expression on the other’s face.

Hux nodded, speechless and gaping at the energy that surrounded him. He didn’t step away from Kylo until the fire had subsided and Kylo dropped the Force walls. Kylo didn’t say anything to Hux, just turned away and drew his lightsaber. Hux snapped into action as well, calling on the coms and analyzing the damage.

They were leaders, and so they lead.

Back on board the Finalizer, Hux allowed himself a moment of astonishment. Hux understood very little about the Force. He’d never seen something so powerful before.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Hux said, following Kylo to his quarters.

“I can’t,” Kylo growled. The flare of emotion in Hux’s chest wasn’t pride like he assumed it would be. Kylo was ashamed.

“What do you mean?” Hux stood at the door, watching as Kylo ripped his helmet from his head, dropping it onto the ground with a resounding crash. Kylo paced back and forth near his bed, struggling with his hood.

“Did anyone see?” Kylo demanded.

“See what? The… bubble?” Hux asked, at a loss for what to call the events that transpired earlier that day.

“The Force Shield, yes! Did anyone see it?” Hux felt Kylo’s shame turn to panic, fluttering between horror and anger.

“No, no one saw. Everyone else was still with the second troop--”

“Good,” Kylo said, rounded on Hux and fixing him with a cold stare. “You can never tell anyone what happened.”

“What?  _ Why _ ?”

“You don’t understand the force, Hux. You don’t--”

“Then explain it to me.” Hux twisted his face into a scowl, meeting Kylo’s glare with one of his own.

“You won’t get it.”

“ _ Try me _ .”

Hux felt Kylo’s panic shift into anger, felt it simmer and boil before breaking all together. Kylo’s shoulders slumped, and he dropped his eyes to the floor. Hux relaxed his face and watched Kylo carefully.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll tell you. But you can never tell anyone. You can never let Snoke know.”

“You have my word.”

Kylo hesitated a moment, running his tongue over his bottom lip before letting out a sigh. “That technique, the Force Shield, it’s something I learned when I trained with Skywalker. It’s… it’s not something Snoke would approve of. It’s inferior. It’s…”

Kylo trailed off, gaze focused on the ground. Hux heard the end of the sentence as though it were spoken aloud though, Kylo’s voice inside his head.  _ It’s what Jedi use. _

“I see,” Hux said. Kylo snuck a glance upward, catching Hux’s eye. Hux wished then that he could do as Kylo did, that he could smother Kylo’s mind with affection, reassure him that the light inside him wasn’t shameful, it was beautiful.

Kylo’s lips twitched into the tiniest of smiles. Hux took that to mean somehow, Kylo got his message.

-

Hux pressed bruising kisses into the column of Kylo’s throat, dug his fingertips into pale hips so hard they left angry red marks. Hux felt Kylo’s anticipation in his chest, felt the hunger Kylo forced into Hux’s mind. Hux trailed his hands along Kylo’s back, dug his nails into the soft skin and pulled him closer. Kylo whined as Hux dug his teeth into the curve of his shoulder, never fearful of leaving marks on Kylo’s skin, always covered by his dark cloaks.

“Kylo,” Hux breathed against the angry mark, the tattoo of Hux’s mouth on Kylo’s ashen skin. The desire in Hux’s chest fluttered, shifting into something uncertain, something curious. Hux pulled back, meeting Kylo’s eyes and waiting for an explanation. Hux was used to Kylo’s ever shifting emotions when they fucked -- what he wasn’t used to was the apprehension Kylo was feeling this time around.

“Kylo?” Hux asked, concerned this time. Kylo stared wide eyed at Hux before surging forward, pressing their lips together.

“Ben,” Kylo whispered against Hux’s lips. “Call me Ben.  _ Please _ .”

“Ben?” Hux repeated, the name foreign on his tongue. Hux knew where it came from, knew what it meant. Kylo squeezed his eyes shut, kissing Hux with a panicked fervour.

“Please,” Kylo begged. The apprehension in Hux’s chest was simmering, hesitating between anxiety and absolute desire.

“Okay,” Hux agreed, pushing Kylo off him, flipping them in the bed. Kylo flopped backward, his face flushed as Hux straddled him. Hux splayed his hands on Kylo’s marred chest, admiring the galaxy of bruises painting his smooth skin. “Listen to me,  _ Ben _ . You’re going to do what I say, and not complain when I fuck you so hard you can’t walk.”

Kylo’s pupils were blown wide as he gave a single nod. The heat in Hux’s chest had returned, Kylo wasn’t scared anymore. Hux gave a wicked grin, and leaned forward for another bruising kiss.

Hux expected a sorrowful aftermath, anticipated Kylo’s heartache to blossom after hearing Hux scream the unfamiliar name as he came. But there was no breakdown, no regret. Kylo nuzzled close to Hux, arms wrapped lazily around his lover’s waist. Hux laid awake, feeling the hollow of his chest where Kylo still pushed emotions, even in his sleep. There was only contentment, only affection.

Somehow, that was scarier to Hux than if he had felt remorse for the request.

-

Hux was right to believe there would be repercussions. With Kylo, there usually were. As Hux entered the bridge of Starkiller Base he glanced at the men and woman manning the controls before resting his gaze on the sulking figure near the window.

“Ren,” Hux greeted stiffly as was per usual with the two of them when others were present. Hux turned to address Lieutenant Logan, intending to ask about Captain Phasma’s latest troop report, but was frozen by a crackling, angry energy. The Force itself wasn’t painful, but the invisible hand around his throat was.

“That’s not my name,” Kylo growled. Hux slid his eyes toward the other man, whose arm was outstretched and reaching toward the general. Kylo voice, dark and cruel inside Hux’s mind hissed,  _ How dare you mention last night. _

“I said --  _ Ren  _ \--” Hux choked out. Kylo’s hand dropped instantly, his embarrassment and alarm a sharp spike in Hux’s chest as he fell to his knees, gasping for breath. Kylo whirled away from Hux, fleeing the room without another audible word. Hux heard his response loud and clear though:  _ I’m falling apart _ .

“General,” Lieutenant Logan said, rushing forward to help Hux. Hux waved him away, climbing to his feet without help and barking out a command to stay focused before rushing from the room after Kylo.

“Kylo,” Hux growled, sweeping into the conference room after the Knight. Hux locked the door behind them, fixing Kylo with a dark stare. Kylo paced the length of the room, struggling with his heavy cloak. He tore the mask from his face as if it were suffocating him, tears already hot and angry in his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to-- I didn’t--”

“Get ahold of yourself,” Hux bellowed. Kylo turned toward him, shoulders hunched and feeling small under Hux’s angry gaze. Hux could feel Kylo’s panic, but he ignored it just as he ignored his own. “That was inexcusable behavior.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Kylo yelled, voice cracking. “I thought--”

“Thought I called you  _ Ben _ ?” Hux hissed, advancing on the other man. “Like you  _ asked  _ me to?”

Kylo took a step backward, his knees bumping the table behind him. He braced himself against the surface, his hands shaking. Hux felt Kylo’s fear, sharp and angry.

“You -- You shouldn’t have said yes.”

“You shouldn’t have  _ asked _ .”

“I was weak,” Kylo defended, eyes darting about Hux’s face.

“Nothing new there,” Hux spit.

Hux hated himself. He hated the intimidating square of his shoulders, hated talking to Kylo with such darkness. Hux felt his own heart breaking, felt it cracking and crumbling alongside Kylo’s own. He wanted nothing more than to cradle Kylo’s face in his hands and kiss him senseless.

Hux wanted to drop his mask and tell Kylo everything was alright. But Hux’s mask didn’t come off, it never had.

Kylo had too much good in him -- to much  _ goddamn light _ \-- and Hux knew if he was ever going to survive here, in the hell of the First Order, he had to hide it. He had to forget about it. Hux hated that Kylo ever came here, hated that they’d ever met, because now Hux had to be the one to kill the good in the man before him.

“I’m  _ sorry _ ,” Kylo sobbed, pressing back further into the table.

“You’re foolish, Ren. You say your birthright means nothing to you, then you crawl back to it in anyway you can.”

“My family means nothing to me,” Kylo promised.

“ _ Then prove it _ ,” Hux growled, spinning on his heels and stalking from the room.

Hux kept it together until he reached his quarters. It was then that he fell to his knees, arms around his stomach, holding himself together as he let his walls fall. He could feel Kylo’s anguish, could feel it meld with his own.

Hux had a heart. It was buried deep, it had been locked away for years, but it was alive, and it  _ burned _ . Hux’s heart knew only one name -- a name Hux sobbed as he knelt on the unforgiving floor, hands clasped in a mockery of a prayer.

(There was no one who could give Hux forgiveness. Monsters didn’t deserve vindication.)

-

They didn’t talk about that day. Hux called a meeting with the officers who had witnessed Kylo’s outburst, and swore them to secrecy. Kylo still filled Hux’s hollow chest with affection, still remained hopelessly devoted to the person who caused him so much pain.

(Hux supposed that was Kylo’s fatal flaw: He loved people who would kill him.)

They still kissed -- with tenderness, because it had become all they knew. They still fucked -- Hux yelled nothing but the Knight’s name. 

-

Hux felt the moment Kylo killed Han Solo. He felt the moment before, as well. Felt the torment and the fear. Kylo pleaded for someone to do something, to somehow save him. Hux was too far away, too disconnected to stop it.

Kylo drove a lightsaber through his father’s chest. Hux felt the pain as if it were his own.

-

The snow burned against Hux’s face, his feet pounding against the frozen ground as he ran -- too slow no matter how he tried -- to find Kylo in the depths of the forest. He could feel Kylo’s pulse thudding sluggishly alongside his own. Kylo was alive, Hux could feel it. He could also feel the bond weakening.

Kylo was alive, but Hux couldn’t say for how long.

Hux forgot all about his mask -- his perfect facade -- as he dropped beside Kylo’s limp form. Hux’s hair fell into his face, sweaty and wrecked from the wind. Kylo’s blood painted the snow beneath him -- painted Hux’s fingers as he searched for a pulse. He already knew it was there, though. He could feel it inside his own veins, more precious than his own.

For a moment, just before Hux scooped Kylo into his arms and struggled to his feet, Hux came to terms with something he had known for far too long.

No matter where they were and what worlds formed between them, Hux’s heart could never beat without Kylo’s beside it. There could be no end for one that didn’t also end the other.

-

Hux heard whispers about him throughout the ship. Back on board the Finalizer --Kylo tucked safely in the medical wing and Hux torn between staying with him and conducting his crew -- Hux heard what they said about him.

_ He carried Ren himself. _

_ Didn’t just carry him, healed him. Wouldn’t let anyone touch him. _

_ I heard he died out there, that the girl killed him. _

_ No, no, the General saved him. _

_ The General didn’t save him. The General sent him out there to die. _

Hux himself wasn’t sure what was true anymore. He knew had carried Kylo to the command vessel, had barked out orders and pressed blood-soaked cloth to his wounds. The memories were blurry though, hazy and half formed. Hux couldn’t remember if he had been the one to wrap Kylo’s wounds, couldn’t remember if he kissed Kylo’s cold, slack mouth in front of his Lieutenant, or only once they were alone.

Hux didn’t know much of anything anymore.

_ (Had he sent Kylo to die?) _

_ (Did Kylo return, or did someone else?) _

Hux pressed a palm to Kylo’s pale face, covering his uninjured cheek with a gentle hand. Hux felt Kylo’s heartbeat, felt Kylo’s sorrow deep inside his chest. Even as Kylo slept he suffered. Hux would give anything to set him free.

-

“I killed him,” Kylo said, voice hoarse and fading when he awoke. Hux watched his soft brown eyes blink up and search for something in Hux that they’d never find.

“I’m aware,” Hux said regarding Kylo carefully.

“You.. You are?” Kylo frowned, his movement wrinkling the stiff white bandages across his face.

“I heard the report from onboard the Starkiller,” Hux took a seat beside Kylo’s bed. He’d rushed there when he’d heard of Kylo’s awakening. The crew had strict orders to find Hux the moment Kylo opened his eyes. “I also… felt it.”

“Felt it?” Kylo blinked. Hux blinked too.

“Here,” Hux said, laying a hand just below his collarbone.

“Oh,” Kylo’s gaze fluttered downward, studying the curve of Hux’s neck before resting finally on Hux’s long fingers, placed directly over his heart. “I didn’t mean for you to.”

“I’d think not,” Hux agreed. He let out a deep sigh and stood, walking toward the door. 

“Wait--” Kylo struggled to sit up, panic spiking in Hux’s chest as Kylo reached toward the general. “Don’t leave.”

“I’m not,” Hux said, tapping the access pad and swiftly locking the door before turning back to Kylo.

Hux took deliberate steps toward Kylo, shrugging his great coat from his shoulders and draping it over the foot of Kylo’s bed. Kylo shuffled away from Hux, giving him room to climb onto the mattress beside the injured man. Hux sat near Kylo’s knees, one foot resting on the ground and the other tucked underneath him. They watched each other for a long moment, Kylo’s apprehension making Hux feel sick.

“What are you doing, Kylo?” Hux asked.

Kylo dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap. His pulse quickened. Hux felt it.

“I don’t know,” Kylo admitted. “I’m… I’m proving that they don’t mean anything to me.”

“Don’t-- Don’t just say what you think I want to hear, Kylo. You killed your father,” Hux felt Kyo’s spike of regret in his own chest, “now tell me why.”

“Because I had to,” Kylo stole a glance at Hux before looking back at his hands. Hux busied himself with pulling off his gloves as Kylo continued. “He was my tie to the light. Now I am strong with the Force.”

“Tell me the truth,” Hux scooped Kylo’s hands into his own, scooted closer to Kylo on the bed, “Are you happier now?”

Kylo just blinked at Hux, eyes dark and watering. He tightened his fingers around Hux’s, clutched him closer. Though he offered no explanation, Kylo pushed his grief into Hux, a great gasping monster of regret blossomed in Hux’s chest, and that was more than enough of an answer.

“Okay,” Hux said, shifting his position so he leaned against the headboard beside Kylo. Kylo reacted immediately, tucking himself against Hux’s side and winding his shaking, pale arms around Hux’s waist. Hux held his shoulders tightly, pressed kisses into his hair, and waited.

-

Years ago, Hux saw a boy who wanted nothing more than to hide. That boy had his mother’s eyes, had his father’s heart. Hux hadn’t cared then what the boy  _ could do _ , he only cared where he  _ came from _ .

(Somewhere in the galaxy, there was a woman who had lost everything. Hux held in his arms a missing piece to her puzzle -- shattered now. Hux was an honorable man. He’d learned long ago that if you steal something, you should give it back.)

Hux saw the same boy again. Hux had since learned where his home was, now all Hux cared about was how to get him back there.

-

“How long before we reach Snoke?” Kylo asked as Hux entered the medical wing, taping the door closed behind him.

“Two days,” Hux answered, grabbing Kylo’s medical report and scanning it quickly. “Are you prepared to see him?”

“I don’t know,” Kylo huffed. “You’re the one holding the med sheet.”

“I don’t mean physically,” Hux said, dropping the holopad and stepping toward the head of the bed. “You’re fine on that front. You’ll almost certainly be released later today. I mean in here.” Hux punctuated his sentence with a tap to Kylo’s forehead. Kylo snatched Hux’s hand away, holding it between both of his.

“Taking up therapy now are we?” Kylo teased, smirking at Hux. Hux twitched the corner of his mouth into the tiniest of smiles. It disappeared as soon as it appeared, though.

“The Force, Kylo. I’m talking about the Force.”

“The Force is fine,” Kylo said, dropping his gaze to the hands in his lap, Hux’s fingers wrapped around his own. “I don’t even feel the light anymore.”

Hux felt Kylo’s flare of shame, a tinge of panic.

“Why are you lying to me?” Hux asked, dropping onto the bed beside Kylo, facing him head on.

“I’m not lying--”

“I can feel it, Kylo.” Hux snatched his hand away, fixing Kylo with a disappointed stare. “And I’m sure the Supreme Leader can feel it, too.”

“I can hide it from Snoke,” Kylo said. What Hux heard was,  _ But not from you. _

“You better hope you’re right,” Hux said, though he knew he wasn’t. With his mask lost in the wreckage of Starkiller Base, Kylo had nothing to hide behind. Hiding had always been Kylo’s flaw -- Hux knew it was going to get him killed.

“You’re not supposed to feel it, you know?” Kylo asked, reaching for Hux’s hands again and twisting them in his own. Kylo pushed affection onto Hux, something warm and glowing. Hux watched Kylo. He had a tiny smile on his face, bottom lip pinched between his teeth. There was a light in his eyes that didn’t belong on board the Finalizer.

“I see.”

“I don’t know why you can, but…” Kylo shrugged, and Hux heard the rest of the sentence, unspoken but audible in his mind:  _ But there’s no one else in the galaxy I’d rather share this with. _

Hux hated Kylo. Hated his stupid giddy smile, too innocent and loving for what was about to happen. Kylo wasn’t meant for the First Order, wasn’t meant for the darkside, but he was meant for Hux -- or at least he thought he was. As long as Hux was here, as long as Hux let Kylo love him, Kylo would never leave.

And if Kylo never left, he would surely die.

Hux knew what he had to do. He’d always known.

“Stay out of my head, Ren,” Hux said, but it wasn’t yet cold. There would be plenty of time for that later. For now it was teasing, warm and alright with tenderness.

They kissed -- and Hux knew it was for the last time.

-

Kylo was released from medical later that day as Hux predicted. He searched half-heartedly for Hux as traveled towards his quarters, but was much too eager to be rid of the awful hospital feel to look too thoroughly. It took Kylo almost an hour to see the letter, sealed tightly and sitting on Kylo’s pillow. His name was written on one side. The rest of the envelope was blank.

Kylo flopped onto his bed and ripped it open. He recognized Hux’s neat scrawl immediately.

_ Kylo, _

_ It pains me to do this in such a manner, but things have come too far for me to continue lying. Our engagements have long since been inappropriate for a work environment. I assumed they would end on their own, but I realize now I was foolish to believe so. This has simply gone on too long. _

_ It’s better for both of us if we keep this relationship professional. _

_ My sincerest apologies. _

_ General Hux _

From across the ship, Hux felt Kylo’s heart shatter. His own had broken long ago. Knowing they both suffered didn’t lessen the pain.

-

Kylo slammed his fists against Hux’s door. Hux heard but didn’t open up. He buried his face in his knees, and his fingers in his hair, and grit his teeth as he agreed with every word Kylo yelled. 

_ You’re a goddamn liar, Hux. _

_ We were worth more than a fucking letter. _

_ You can hear me, I know you can. You can feel it, too. _

_ I loved you. _

Hux ignored it, just like he had ignored everything else in his life. He masked his pain, masked Kylo’s too, and told himself he was doing this out of compassion, not cruelty. It had to be this way.

Hux found reprieve from his suffering when he got a call from Lieutenant Logan, asking him if the departure of the escape pod had been on his authorization. Hux said it was.

Hux told Supreme Leader Snoke the same thing.

Snoke had a punishment for traitors. Hux wasn’t afraid to face it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [Elijah,](http://peacoatsandrosary.tumblr.com/) because he is a trash nerd. 
> 
> Also, find a playlist of the fic [here!](http://8tracks.com/red-0ak-tree/stories-of-monsters)

Stars are billions of miles away, but humans piece them together to form constellations. They draw lines between the distances, connect what isn’t meant to be connected. 

People have distances, too. There are lightyears between people meant to be together -- they put those spaces there themselves because it’s what they’ve always known, seperate is how they fit best. 

Kylo traversed the galaxy, he put distance between himself and Hux -- both physically and metaphorically. Stars passed the tiny windows of his escape pod. Kylo counted them until he couldn’t focus any longer. 

Kylo hurt, but he hoped Hux couldn’t feel it. Kylo hoped Hux couldn’t feel anything. He should have known from the start that he didn’t mean a goddamn thing to the general. But Kylo had been too busy drawing lines between his heart and Hux’s to notice they were never really in love. 

 

-

 

Kylo tried to navigate his shuttle to the Resistance base on D’Qar. He made it to the planet, but not the base. When his ship crashed, he hardly had the heart to climb his way free of the wreckage. 

 

-

 

Time passed. Kylo could feel his leg bleeding sluggishly, knew he had hit his head hard enough to have a concussion. Kylo didn’t care. The Resistance wouldn’t accept him back, not after what he’d done. It was better for him to just die there, to bleed out on foreign soil that had once been his home. 

The Resistance had other ideas. Kylo could hear the dull roar of X-wings, heard them land near the wreckage of his ship. He didn’t open his eyes. 

“There’s someone here,” a voice shouted as footsteps rushed upon him. They stopped abruptly, and he heard a cold voice whisper his name, then silence. 

“Black Leader,” someone said finally. “Kylo Ren is here. What do we do?” 

“I’m landing now. Keep your blasters trained on him,” Poe Dameron’s crackling voice sounded over a comm. Kylo opened his eyes then, struggling to sit up. Kylo was stuck somewhere between wanting to die, but not wanting to be slaughtered. It was a sort of limbo between life and death. 

“He’s awake, Poe,” a nervous looking man said into his comm, blaster pointed at Kylo’s chest. A woman stood beside him, and they were both dressed in their Resistance jumpsuits. 

“Do not engage,” Poe commanded. Kylo could see his ship land beside the other two stationed behind the pilots. Kylo waited hesitantly for Poe to hop from his ship, crossing the distance quickly and pushing the other pilots behind him. Poe stood at the foreground, inspecting Kylo who still laid sprawled in the dirt. 

“Ren,” Poe growled. “Why are you here?” 

“I renounced the First Order,” Kylo croaked, voice sticky with dehydration and lack of use. “I escaped.” 

“Why come here?” Poe didn’t sound curious, he sounded skeptical. Kylo knew he would. 

“Because the company here is so accepting,” Kylo drawled, fixing Poe with a challenging glare. 

“I should shoot you.”

“Then do it.” 

“No,” Poe said, jerking his weapon upward, motioning for Kylo to stand. “I think I’ll let your mother do the honors.” 

The woman behind Poe let out a tiny gasp, hissing Poe’s name. Kylo struggled to his feet, feeling every cut and scrape along his long body. He wasn’t sure how to accept the pain -- he could ignore it like the lightside told him to, or accept it like the dark. 

“Thrilling,” Kylo grunted, watching Poe with hollow eyes. 

“You killed Han Solo?” 

“Yes,” Kylo nodded, swaying on unsteady feet. 

“And then you dared to show your face here?”

“Keep asking questions you know the answers to, pilot. It seems to entertain you.” 

Poe raised his gun, growling out the word ‘bastard’ under his breath as he focused his aim at Kylo’s heart. Poe’s finger twitched on the trigger. Kylo waited, ready for the blast. The other pilots held their breath. 

When no shot came Kylo growled, “Shoot me, you coward.” 

Poe dropped his gun and crossed the distance between them. His fist connected with Kylo’s face, sending him stumbling back. The next punch came to his stomach, and once he fell to his knees Poe wrenched him back to his feet only to knock him down again. 

Kylo didn’t fight back. He took the punches, felt himself bleed. Kylo wondered if there was honor in letting your childhood best friend beat you to death on the planet you once loved, and had now ruined. 

He guessed there wasn’t. 

 

-

 

Kylo was unconscious when they transported him to the base. He awoke in a cell, cold and alone. For a moment, he thought the discomfort and emptiness he felt was the sum of his wounds. But the misery wasn’t from an increase in trauma, it was from the  _ lack  _ of something fundamental, something Kylo didn’t think he could miss. 

He couldn’t place the feeling, but it was far more torturous than the sting of his broken skin and bones. 

 

-

 

Kylo’s first visitor was a man he didn’t recognize, who glanced into the room before startling at the sight of Kylo, awake and aware. Kylo narrowed his gaze at the man, who fled the room immediately. 

He was replaced shortly by a furious figure with bruised knuckles -- bruised by Kylo’s own sharp bones. Behind Poe stood a woman, both familiar and foreign to Kylo. Kylo averted his eyes, couldn’t look at the woman standing at the door. 

(Kylo knew if he looked, he would see his own eyes staring back at him.)

“I see I didn’t hit you hard enough to kill you,” Poe hissed. Kylo didn’t find it difficult to look at Poe, to meet the fire in his eyes with a burning of his own. 

“Bet you wish you had,” Kylo growled back. 

“I could still do the honors.” 

“Poe,” Leia scolded. “Enough.”

“We should kill him,” Poe said, rounding on the general. Leia shook her head. Kylo still couldn’t look at her. “He isn’t your son-- He’s a monster--” 

“How can you have no sympathy?” Leia questioned. “Ben was once your friend.”

“Ben is  _ dead _ .” For a moment, Kylo was shocked to hear the words -- he hadn’t remembered speaking -- until he realized his lips were still pressed shut. It was Poe’s mouth that swallowed the last poisonous word, not Kylo’s. 

“He isn’t,” Leia said. She was watching Kylo closely, he could feel the burn of her gaze. He kept his eyes trained on Poe, trained on the floor when he couldn’t stand to look at the pilot’s murderous gaze any longer. “He’s standing right there.” 

“That’s Kylo Ren, General. That isn’t your son.” 

“Ben,” Leia said softly, stepping forward. She addressed Kylo with tenderness, a mother’s warmth. 

“He’s right,” Kylo barked finally, raising his eyes to glare at the general. “Ben is gone. You’re disillusioned if you think that I am even a  _ fragment  _ of the boy you raised.”

“But you came back, you’re--” 

“I am  _ Kylo Ren _ . And I may not be a part of the First Order any longer, but I am not a  _ hero _ . You’d be foolish to forget that.” 

Leia said nothing. She held Kylo’s gaze, her gaze impassive and reminding Kylo far too closely of a different general, lightyears away now. She turned away without another word, and stepped smoothly out of the room, leaving Kylo alone with a dumbstruck Poe. 

“What?” Kylo prompts, fixing his scowl on Poe. 

“I just didn’t think you’d agree with me.” 

“About what? My name or my death sentence?” Kylo sneered. 

“Leia won’t let us kill you. But she will let you rot in this Force cage. Enjoy.” 

Poe turned to leave, but Kylo shouted out, “Wait,” before he could reach the door. Poe paused, turning back to the prisoner. 

“What do you mean Force cage?” 

“Can’t you feel it? Your powers won’t work in here. Couldn’t have you playing mind tricks on us now, could we?” 

Poe seemed pleased. Kylo stared at him blankly, watching as he turned to leave once more. 

Kylo slumped against the wall of his cell, feeling defeated and relieved all at once. 

Kylo couldn’t feel the Force, couldn’t feel the warring pulls of the light and the dark. Kylo’s mind was silent in a way it hadn’t been his entire life. The idea was terrifying. 

 

-

 

Kylo couldn’t feel Hux. He didn’t  _ want  _ to feel Hux, but he wanted to have the ability to if he so desired. He wasn’t sure if Hux was alive or dead, if he regretted sending Kylo away, or if he was happier now. 

Kylo could feel the healing of his shattered ribs, could feel his blood dry on his bottom lip after he reopened the split with his teeth, but he couldn’t feel Hux’s pulse alongside his own. 

But Kylo felt somehow better for the silence. Though Hux’s heart still beat independent of Kylo’s somewhere across the galaxy, he was surely dead to Kylo. There was a cruelty in Hux -- a savagery Kylo had foolishly fallen in love with. 

Kylo knew from the beginning that Hux’s mask was enviable in its strength. Lying was his second nature. Kylo hated himself for falling for them. 

 

-

 

(The problem with stars is that only people on the ground see the constellations -- see the beautiful shapes they make. All stars see are the distances.)

 

-

 

Leia didn’t return to visit Kylo. In fact, Kylo had very little interaction with anyone for several days. He was brought food, and medication for his wounds, but given little else. Kylo didn’t mind. He wouldn’t have cared if they stopped feeding him all together. 

Poe was the only person stay for longer than necessary. He entered the room, staring at Kylo through the cage for several moments before sitting on the floor, crossed legged a safe distance from the bars. Kylo mirrored his position, but said nothing. 

“Do you remember me?” Poe asked finally. 

“You may have given me a concussion, but you didn’t hit me hard enough to give me brain damage. You were in here less than a week ago with the general.” 

“Ha-Ha,” Poe snorted. “I meant from before. From when we were kids.” 

“Yes,” Kylo said, eyeing Poe curiously. He didn’t like where this was headed. 

“Do you remember leaving?” 

“I’m not an invalid, Poe,” Kylo hissed. “I remember every awful moment of this place.” 

“You didn’t use to think it was awful,” Poe countered. He sounded just as bitter as Kylo did. 

“And you didn’t use to want me dead. People change.” 

“ _ Clearly _ ,” Poe flicked a piece of dirt from his knee before glancing up at Kylo and sighing. “Why did you leave the First Order?” 

“Because…” Kylo began, before hesitating. There wasn’t a single answer, not one Kylo could pinpoint anyway. “Because I was so  _ excited  _ to sleep on the floor of this cell.” 

“We’ve been waiting for an attack,” Poe said, ignoring Kylo’s sarcasm. “We thought the First Order sent you as a spy, or a decoy, or something. Something to distract us while they tracked you back here and shot us down. But…”

“But you’re still here, and so you’re wondering whether or not I was telling the truth when I said I renounced the First Order? I’ll let you know now, I wasn’t lying. I want nothing to do with the First Order. They’ll kill me if they find me.”

“So you just murdered your father and then attempted to make amends with your widowed mother?” 

“I’m not trying to make amends with anyone,” Kylo shut his eyes tightly, balling his hands into fists. “I’m  _ running _ . Why can’t you just understand that?”

“And you thought we’d protect you?” 

“I thought you’d kill me,” Kylo said, opening his eyes and catching Poe’s eyes. His gaze was softer though, broken and defeated. 

“The general won’t allow us,” Poe answered, but the bite had left his voice. The pair watched each other, carefully, closely. 

“Where’s the scavenger?” Kylo asked finally. It was a question that had been on his mind since his arrival on D’Qar. 

“Training with Skywalker,” Poe said, almost smugly. “Why? Were you hoping to pay her back for that scar?” 

Kylo reached up a nervous hand, tracing the long mark marring his face. He had almost forgotten about the injuries she had caused him. Kylo shrugged one shoulder and dropped his hand to his lap. Poe uncrossed his legs and stood. 

“We’re running a scouting mission on the First Order tomorrow. I expect you to answer any questions we have about what we find. If you lie, I’ll ensure that you starve.” 

Poe left the room. Kylo watched him disappear without another word. 

 

-

 

Poe and his team returned with a great many inquiries about the First Order. Kylo answered them listlessly, spilling their secrets without hesitation. There was no use trying to protect the First Order any longer. He was dead either way.

Kylo only found paused when Poe said the words, “General Logan.” 

“ _ Logan _ ?” Kylo asked, raising an eyebrow. “General of the First Order?” 

“That was the name we heard when we intercepted the radio waves, yeah. Mean something to you?” 

“Did they say anything about General Hux?” Kylo felt his blood rush in his veins, fast and thick. 

“No, only Logan. Is there two generals onboard?” 

“No,” Kylo swallowed. “No, Logan was a lieutenant when I was on board. Hux was the general.” 

“Well,” Poe hesitated a moment, watching the rapid, nervous flicker of Kylo’s eyes. “We heard no mention of anyone named Hux.” 

Kylo knew then that even if he were outside the cage, even if he could grasp the Force the way he desired, he wouldn’t feel another heartbeat alongside his own. 

(It had all been too easy. The escape pod had been too accessible. No one had tracked him.)

(Kylo should have known he wouldn’t have been so lucky.)

 

-

 

When a star dies, it forms a black hole. 

(Hux was darkness long before his death, though.)

 

-

 

Poe left with his team, relaying Kylo’s information to General Organa. Kylo panicked alone, arms wrapped around his knees and blood rushing in his ears. 

(Had Hux saved him?)

(Was Hux dead because of him?)

Though he had no intention of comforting the prisoner, Poe was left with questions as well, and those questions forced his feet to carry him back to Kylo’s cell. He watched Kylo, wrapped around himself and remarkably unaware of his surroundings. 

“Ren,” Poe said, alerting Kylo to his presence. Kylo whipped his head up, looking at Poe with an anxious gaze. 

“What?” Kylo snapped. 

“Who was Hux?” Poe asked, stepping toward the cage and positioning himself on the ground in front of the bars just as he had done the previous day. Kylo was curled against the far wall, putting the most possible distance between himself and Poe. 

“I told you. He was the general when I was in the First Order.” 

“No, I don’t mean who was he to the First Order. I mean  _ who was he to you _ .” 

“He was nobody.” 

The tremble of Kylo’s lips, the nervous working of his fingers as he worried at the edge of his robe, told Poe all he needed to know. Kylo had always been easy to read, even when they were kids he wore his heart on his sleeves. Nothing had changed. Beneath that mask, he was still the emotional little boy he had always been. 

“Was he your… friend?” 

“He was my peer. Nothing more.” 

“Then why are you crying?” 

“I’m not--” Kylo rubbed angrily at his eyes, alarmed to find them wet. He dashed away the tears, and set his brow in a vicious scowl. “Shut up.” 

“Is he dead?” Poe asked, feeling conflicted at the sight of Kylo’s weakness. Even as Poe had beat him, he hadn’t shed a tear. 

“How am I supposed to know?” Kylo whispered fiercely. “I’ve been trapped in here this whole time.” 

“You do know, though, or you wouldn’t be so upset. Did they kill him?” 

“He… he helped me escape, I think. I don’t know… But I bet… If he did, then he’s dead.” 

Poe watched Kylo speak haltingly, knit his brow at the open look on his face. 

“They killed him for helping you.” 

Kylo swallowed thickly. It was hardly an answer. 

“Did you love him?” Poe asked -- quiet, a murmur in the tiny, immense room. 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Kylo whispered back, just as quietly. 

“Then I’m sorry,” Poe said. “I wouldn’t wish that on even you.” 

“ _ Even me _ ,” Kylo repeated. 

 

-

 

What everyone forgets about constellations -- and about people-- is that if the distances shift, they become less beautiful. Orion is only Orion because the space between its pieces are unmoving.

(Hux and Kylo were once a constellation. They were only beautiful because they were  _ apart _ , but  _ connected _ .)

 

-

 

Poe visited Kylo often in the following weeks. He asked questions about the First Order protocols and management techniques. He also brought updates about the progress of the Resistance, and their battle against the First Order. 

On the day Poe informed Kylo that Finn -- the traitor Kylo had tried to kill -- had awoken, Poe was angry. He spit his words at Kylo, bitter about the pain Kylo had caused his friend. Poe wasn’t always angry, though. Sometimes he cracked jokes -- made Kylo laugh in spite of himself. Those days were few and far between. More often than not there was a sort of resentment, cold and clinical between them. 

“Why hasn’t she come back?” Kylo asked during one of Poe’s visited. They sat across from one another, speaking through the bars. 

“Who? Rey?” 

“No. My… My mother.” 

“Did you want her to?” Poe asked, raising one eyebrow. 

“No,” Kylo wasn’t sure if that was truth or lie. “I’m just curious as to why.”

“She’s confused. She can’t see you like I can.” 

“Like you can?” 

“I see who you really are. Leia can’t. She still sees you as her son.” Poe tossed his hair back from his face, raising his chin proudly.

“And how do you see me?” 

“You’re not Ben Solo. Ben would never have killed his father on that bridge. But…”

“But?” 

“But you’re not Kylo Ren either, because Kylo Ren wouldn’t have left the First Order.” 

The pair watched each other for a long moment. Kylo wondered when exactly Poe had become so perceptive -- when he’d learned how to read Kylo better than he could read himself. 

“I think you’re right.” 

“I  _ know  _ I’m right,” Poe laughed. “Leia can’t see that, though. She can’t understand how you’ve changed. I think it’s best for everyone if she stays away from you for a while.” 

“Yeah,” Kylo agreed, but it was difficult. Poe looked at Kylo with such anger sometimes, regarded him so carefully even when they were getting along, that he craved unrestricted affection. Leia -- his mother -- would give that to him, even if he knew it was best for her not to. 

(Hux used to show him that affection. It had felt real.)

(Had it been real?)

 

-

 

“Ren,” Poe greeted gruffly as he entered the room. Kylo raised his gaze, nodding at the pilot. “We got a call to Takodana. A friend of ours spotted a First Order member in her bar. She thinks he’s a spy. I’m taking you with me to check it out.”

“Me? Why?” 

“You know the First Order between than anyone here. If anyone is going to recognize the spy, it’s you.” 

“Why do you need me to recognize the spy? If you know it’s there--” 

“We don’t know for sure who it is,” Poe said, busy unlocking Kylo’s cell. He kept his blasted raised toward the other man, though. “Maz just, I don’t know,  _ sensed  _ something. We’re supposed to weed out the weasel, I guess.” 

Kylo stepped out of his cell, fixing Poe with a skeptical look before letting out a tiny gasp. 

“If I’m being honest, I have no idea why we’re going. But it’s on the General’s orders, and I thought you might want out of there, so…” 

Poe trailed off. Kylo wasn’t listening. He was frozen, one hand pressed over his heart. Every muscle in Kylo’s body was still. Poe wasn’t sure he was even breathing. 

“Kylo? What’s going on?” Poe was concerned, and slightly nervous. He wasn’t sure if this was something serious, or a tactic to get Poe to lower his guard. 

“I can -- it’s -- The Force. I can feel it again.” Kylo blinked his eyes opened, looking slightly more composed, but still pale and shaken. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“No,” Kylo gasped. It was far from pain. It was pressure, a presence where there had only been emptiness. The rhythmic, flowing heartbeat that echoed his own was both an anchor and an earthquake. It could have been wishful thinking, could have been a proximity detection of Poe -- but the pulse he felt alongside his own felt familiar. 

(Kylo didn’t believe in soulmates, but the word surfaced in his mind without his accord.)

“Okay,” Poe said slowly. “Are you good to go then?”

“Yeah,” Kylo swallowed, lowering his hand from his chest. “Yeah, let’s go.” 

 

-

 

Kylo followed Poe into the newly rebuilt cantina, dazed and disguised. He stood behind Poe like a shadow as they made a beeline for the backroom where a curious, small woman stomped toward Poe. She pointed a single finger at Poe’s chest, then at Kylo’s. 

“I ask you here to rid this place of evil and you bring  _ him  _ instead.”

“You -- you know who I am?” Kylo asked, in awe of the tiny woman. Very few people in the galaxy had ever seen Kylo Ren without his mask. Paired with the Resistance jacket he wore, and the hood over his eyes, Kylo had thought his recognition would be almost impossible. Even the scar across his face distracted from who he really was. 

“He’s with me, Maz,” Poe began. “He’s--”

“He carries the same stench the other one does. They both have a darkness within them.” 

“Just tell us where ‘the other one’ is, and we’ll take care of it. No problem. I swear.” Poe gave the woman a consoling smile. She narrowed her eyes through her goggles, before shooing them toward the bar. 

“The one in the black,” Maz directed. “Find out what he wants.” 

Both Kylo and Poe surveyed the various inhabitants of the bar, scanning for a man in black. Kylo spotted him before Poe, and found confirmation of the fact he had known since they set foot on Takodana. The blood in his veins -- both sets -- quickened. 

“Poe,” Kylo said, grabbing Poe’s elbow tightly. “That’s  _ him _ .”

“Who?” Poe asked, still glancing around, unable to spot the man. “Where?” 

Kylo didn’t answer. He was crossing the floor, advancing on the hunched figure. Poe followed him, hissing his name, fearful that he had made a mistake. But Kylo wasn’t trying to escape, wasn’t on a rampage. He was rushing toward his future and his past and everything in between. 

“You absolute bastard,” Kylo growled, spinning the man on his stool and yanking him to his feet. Poe grabbed Kylo’s arm, trying to pull him off them man. But Kylo wasn’t trying to kill him -- though he gladly could have strangled the redhead right then and there -- he was crushing the man to his chest, hugging him tightly and without restraint. 

“ _ Kylo _ ,” Hux gasped, pale green eyes searching Kylo’s face, struggling against his gasp, trying to get a better look at him. “I thought -- I thought you were dead.” 

“I couldn't feel you,” Kylo said, talking over Hux, holding him at arm's length. Hux began talking as well, and Poe took a step back, watching them chorus off each other in an anxious energy. 

“I crashed--”

“I didn’t want to hurt you--”

“Lieutenant Logan--”

“Snoke wasn’t pleased--”

They fell silent when Kylo placed delicate fingers on an angry mark, scarred deep into the side of Hux’s neck, twisting the pale skin. 

“Did he do this to you?” 

“I was accused of treason.”

“So they  _ branded  _ you?”

“Ironically enough, I was one of the people who signed the law into court. Being branded a traitor is the least they could have done to me once they found out I allowed you to escape.” 

“ _ Hux _ ,” Kylo whispered, tightening his arms around Hux’s shoulders once more. Hux tightened his own hold, burying his face in the curve of Kylo’s shoulder. 

Hux wore dirty, ragged clothes. He wore his new scar with shame, and his devotion with pride. And for all that Hux wore, he didn’t wear his mask. It was lost the day Kylo left the  _ Finalizer _ . Hux’s mask had been forged as a means to protect himself from the world. But somewhere along the line, Hux’s facade became so intertwined with the man before him that without him it was all for nothing. 

They kissed -- and it was a final and new all at once. They kissed -- and Kylo forgot all about the anger he’d felt over the letter, the pain he felt for leaving. Kylo forgot all about stars and constellations. 

Because in the end, Hux and Kylo weren’t stars, they were people, beautiful and flawed. There was no metaphor to explain the way they fit together, because as stunning as constellations were they were nothing like the way the two scarred boys stared at one another in a curious cantina in a galaxy far, far away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed my atrocious use of star metaphors. 
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://red-0ak-tree.tumblr.com/) for kylux trash.

**Author's Note:**

> Next up: Kylo's return to the Resistance, and his heartbreaking separation from his precious General. 
> 
> Come join me on [Tumblr!](http://red-0ak-tree.tumblr.com/)


End file.
